1) To the International tourist from somewhere in SouthEast Asia: Welcome to San Antonio. Welcome to Sea World. There are two nice folks at EVERY security table who are gonna want to check your bags and look through every pocket to ensure the safety of all park guests. Since there are two at each table, that means there are TWO lines in front of each table. I’m not cutting in front of you. I’m standing BESIDE you- to follow the people in front of me who have one tiny bag and no kids. I feel sorry for the folks behind you and your entourage of five non-English speaking children and your wife and mother. Have fun today, but be prepared to stand in lines with people you don’t understand.
2) To the billboard designer of all those wonderful billboards going up around town reminding folks to not litter: Thank you for your interest in keeping our city clean. I appreciate that. However, as a member of the tiny minority population of white, non-Spanish-speaking folks here in San Antonio, Tejas, I find it odd that all of these billboards are in Spanish. Granted, the majority of our residents speak Spanish… But isn’t that somewhat racist to think that a Spanish speaking person is the only person who might litter? Hmmm Isn’t it also odd since the vast majority of the citizens of this country speak English? Hmmm…
3) To the mom of the cute little three year old boy in the blue swimsuit yesterday: Lighten up. You don’t need to apologize for every time your child gets close to mine while waiting to watch the Sesame Street show. They are kids. They dance around to music and occasionally bump into each other. So he bumped into me? Big deal. He looked at me, said “sawy” and moved over. You didn’t need to scream at him. I know being a mom isn’t easy. Perhaps you had a day yesterday with him like I’ve had with mine today. But lighten up. He was there to see Elmo and have fun, not to get screamed at. Focus on the positives, mommy. You have a handsome little boy who appologized on his own for bumping me. I’d say that even if you don’t feel like you are, you’re doing something right.
4) To the creators of Tommee Tippee anti-colic bottles: You are geniouses and I LOVE your product! Best bottles we’ve used. Hands down. Don’t need to say any more! You rock. Don’t change a THING.
5) To the little girl upstairs who figured out how to unlock her bedroom door: Mommy and Daddy love you very much and we want you to be safe. It’s important that you stay in your room 0when you’re supposed to be in your room so that we know where you are and that nothing can hurt you. Therefore Daddy turned your lock to the outside of the door. You may not be happy to have lost the freedom to open your door whenever you choose, but that’s how the cookie crumbles. You may have won the battle at naptime today, but we have now won the war. Goodnight sweet one. Rest easy knowing you are safe. We will.