Oh break my heart! Bless my dear- I got up to pee and check on her because I had a bad dream… And apparently she did too. Before I even got to her room, she started crying. So we danced for a little bit and got her a new diaper and a cup of ice water and snuggled for two songs. Then I put her back in her bed. (Was maybe up with her ten mins) For about one or two minutes (long enough for me to get back to bed), she cried like her heart was breaking. Oh, those cries when all she wants is me are so heart-wrenching! I’ll go check her soon and I’m sure she’ll be knocked out. I left the water cup with her and her George monkey and snuggled in her blanket. Plenty to soothe her, but I will always love and desire those two precious little arms reaching up for me and what I’ve come to know as my special cry. The cry that says “I want mommy and nothing or noone else will do.” Sigh. My heart is so full.
This morning I received a message from God. An email of sorts. Right here on my phone. I have very little time in my busy day for reading long scriptures, but I’m making an effort to start my day in the Word. I have an app for that, and it’s super awesome because a different verse is the verse of the day each day, as well as a Proverb each day. One usually applies in some dramatic way to my life.
So today I read Proverbs 3. I was rocking along thinking, oh, this is a good Proverb. Maybe I could write a blog post about trusting God in my life, etc. Then, He smacked me in the head.
Blessed are those who find wisdom,
those who gain understanding,
for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
those who hold her fast will be blessed.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;
by his knowledge the watery depths were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.
My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
preserve sound judgment and discretion;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Wisdom. I have recently been feeling like I need to get back to reading, and that I need to make myself read some non-fiction because it’s been several years since my Master’s program was done, and I honestly haven’t learned a darn thing since. (Obviously, Becca teaches me something daily.).
So, I’m posting this out there for accountability. What I need to learn more about is God. A dear friend is sending me a Bible study book. I found another book I’m interested in about Mary and Martha. I am GOING to get those books, and I am GOING to read them. The wisdom I seek isn’t classroom knowledge. It’s the everlasting knowledge. I have become stagnate in my walk with God. If I am to have growth and be a light to those I’m in ministry to at church (middle school youth), then I need to continue to seek Him and learn more about Him.
So! Message received, Lord. I’m gonna work on getting those books and getting into Your Book more as well. I seek wisdom. I’m looking desperately.
Oh and, side-note. I didn’t miss the part about wisdom being left-handed. Maybe another thing I need to learn in my effort to relate to and be a better mommy to Becca is how to use my left hand a little more. Maybe Cody can teach me. 🙂
I’m also seeking gardening wisdom from library books- and am fascinated by our Master Gardener- He sent us this huge windstorm that nearly uprooted this bush (which He planted- I can’t take credit for it at all!), but yet it’s still blooming! Our God truly is an awesome God!
I often joke about having days where I don my “SuperMom” cape. I’m thinking about actually making one. If I can ever find the time. Ha!!!
Today was one of those days. Laundry sorted and started, little things picked up all over the house and moved to their appropriate places, bed made, dogs out and back in, cat out, downstairs toilets cleaned… All before Becca woke up!! We ate breakfast, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher while she walked, played with her, she (didn’t) napped, I vaccumed the downstairs while she cried hoping she would sleep, got her up, she played while I worked on a card order, then we breaked for lunch. Moved the laundry, fixed lunch, ate lunch, watched her walk in her walker, then read a whole stack of books before she fell asleep on me (that NEVER happens- must treasure these moments!!!). While she slept, I emailed a couple of travel clients, finished one card order, filled another, got both ready to ship, updated my page, and… Yup! Snuck in a 15 minute nap!! Whew!
She’s been making a few rustling noises, so after I post this, I’ll get her up, put her back in the walker, fold all the laundry and put it away, and find something to fix for dinner.
It really does feel like if I had a cape somehow I could have fit one or two more things in… In all of it, continuously I am thankful for my health and the ability to take care of the things in our home that need to be taken care of. I’m thankful for the creativity God has given me to make cards, and for people who keep blessing me by buying them!!
And so much more but my sweet girl needs me! 🙂
And no, that’s not 29 and holding… I’ve got a 39 year-old-husband to catch up with!! Ha! He keeps me feeling young.
But seriously. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all I’ve seen in my life. All I’ve done. All I’ve conquered.
With the passing of Cody’s Mima recently (she was 98), I’ve made it a goal to live my life such that when I pass, someone who knew me 20 years earlier would want to come and remember me fondly.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about all the friends I’ve had. People I’ve crossed paths with. Acquaintences I’ve lost track of… And something I heard recently. At MOPS this month, one of our sponsor moms got up and talked about friendships. She talked about how a true friend will stick by you and help you, and how a best friend is someone that will draw you closer in your walk with God. That really caused me to pause.
Am I drawing my friends closer in their walk? I hope so.
Am I living a life that others would want to be a part of and remember? I hope so.
Am I setting an example for Rebecca to follow of how to be a godly mother? I hope so.
This is my prayer, as I spend my last week being 28 – that in my 29th year God will drastically use me. I have so many friends that I know on the surface. Maybe He plans to deepen some of those friendships. Or maybe He will bring someone new into my life. All I know is, I’m done letting the years pass without making more of a concerted effort to make a difference in this world.
I know I’m just one person, but I used to believe I could change the world. Somewhere along the way, I got jaded. God says that with my faith, I can move mountains. So look out, world! I’m not going to let the last year of my 20s pass me by without being the change I so desperately need to be!
Sadly, “wonderful” was not the word I thought of to put in that blank. “Crappy,” “Sick,” “Grumpy,” “Fussy,” yup. It’s a wonder week. Haven’t heard of them? If you’re a parent, you’ve heard of them whether you realize it or not. A “Wonder Week” is one of those periods of brain development when so much is going on in your child that you WONDER where the heck your normal child went. HA! (Seriously, though, if you don’t know, check out this website: http://www.thewonderweeks.com/)
Not only are we in the middle of brain leap number 7, we are directly under the thunder cloud on the chart for this month of craziness. AND, add to that an ear infection, major allergy problems, nasty tasting medicine, daddy home all week because he’s sick too (not that this is a bad thing to have him home, just not normal schedule), oh, and she’s decided that she can’t live without her third nap – a late afternoon catnap that she dropped a few weeks ago and I’ve been calling “rest” time.. where she plays in her crib… except that she can’t live without that rest time now, and has been wanting to go to bed at 6:30 and waking back up between 7:30 and 8 to play for an hour/hour and a half! Sigh. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out… the question changes. Throw a mommy’s hormones in the mix and WHEW! It’s been quite a week. I WONDER how we made it to Friday night! Seriously!
BUT – a few positives – this brain leap month we’re in the middle of has Becca doing so many amazing things, we just can’t believe it. She’s clapping regularly to mimic us, can sit up easily from a crawling position, as well as sit straight up from laying flat on her back, crawls like she’s got a fire in her pants, runs in her walker, walks easily while holding our fingers, plays with Duplos and has figured out how to take them apart and that they make a super fun noise when she hits them together, now successfully signs “eat” (VICTORY!!! Been working on that one FOREVER!), says “duh” for duck and “muh” for monkey, and I’m sure a million other things I just can’t think of at the moment. Her progress even just this week has been crazy, not to mention her progress the last two that we’ve been in this month of major development.
This brain leap has also made her clingy and temperamental. She gets into modes where the only thing she wants is for mommy to hold her. Little Miss Independent suddenly drops her act and HAS to get in my lap. OH! That’s another thing – she crawled into my lap today to look at books! She loves to help turn the pages. Gosh. It’s definitely NOT all negative, but putting it all together helps me justify to myself why at the end of a week when I did VERY little at home and for work I’m absolutely EXHAUSTED. Oh, did I mention, I got hit with the allergy crap, too? At least I didn’t get it as bad as the two of them did, so I could take care of everyone.
WOW. What a week! We lived. We won’t be writing home about this one, though. Altho, since my mom will probably read this, I guess I did! HAHA! LOL. I think something about all the allergy meds I’m taking probably has me a bit loopy and off my rocker. Oh well, after weeks like this, I like to remind myself:
I’m forgiven, not perfect; complete, not finished. 🙂 He’s got a plan, and somehow this week plays into it all and is an exact fit for this place in the puzzle.
Lil snugglebug one day this week at playtime – just crawled over to me and decided it was time for a nap after linking arms with me.
THESE are the moments to remember and treasure forever. 🙂