I’m stuck. I’ve hit a wall. I have lots of things I want to write about to do with starting back to school. But the thing I need to write about keeps filling pages and yet doesn’t convey what I’m trying to say. The words are flowing, but they feel empty. They feel as lonely as the new little cemetery, sitting just a few feet from the fence line, marked with flowers already past their decomposition date. They feel as shallow as the grave- that Cody dug as deep as he could before hitting bedrock at only a foot. I just don’t really know what to say to explain who Boko was to me, or why my heart is still aching. Maybe it’s because he’s just always been there. Through practically day of the last seven plus years of my life. This morning I let Daisy out to go potty. When I came back to the door to let her in a few minutes later, I let her in and stood there for a long time, waiting for Boko to follow her. But he kept not coming. So, I stepped out on the porch with a sigh and clapped and yelled for him really loud. He still didn’t come. And then it hit me. He won’t be coming anymore when I call. He’s not here.
I know his pain is over and his illnesses are made well again. But the pain that we’re feeling is only beginning. Because I’m sure every time something like this morning happens…
This is just one of about six blog posts I’ve started since having to have our sweet almost 17 yr old pup put to sleep last Thursday. I decided to just post it. Unfinished. Because I somehow need to move on.
I love you, Boko. I’ll never forget you. Period. End of story. No more rambling. Because you know who you were to me.