One mom's journey through the crazy world that is parenthood.
Because of You…
For those who are new to my blog, welcome! Please note that I occasionally write letters to my kids, and email them to accounts I set up for each of them before they were born. They will receive the address and password to those accounts when they are adults.
April 2, 2016
It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, and I could honestly say it’s because I’ve been busy… But it wouldn’t be totally truthful if I didn’t tell you that it’s also because I’ve been getting pretty frustrated with you lately. Not only are you headstrong and independent, you like to whine. And well, “drama” could pretty much be your middle name right now. So why am I writing to you and saying these things? You are almost four. And when you’ll be reading this someday, you’ll need to know that I am already not yet four years into this gig very well aware of my imperfection in my mothering skills. I know I’m not very patient *most* days. I know that my frustration sometimes boils over into the realm of anger and bitterness. (I’m actually taking an online course right now to help me with that.) And I guess that’s the point of this letter.
I want to say thank you. Because in all the frustrations, you are making me a better person. Not just a better mom, but a better ME. Some days you drive me to my knees. God knew that being your mom would stretch me to my limits, and that would bring me closer to Him. But He also knew that you would make me laugh, and smile wider than I ever thought possible. And He knew that your kind heart would take me out of my comfort zone and lead me to meet others.
Yesterday you were so excited when our new neighbors had a moving truck at their house. You declared that they were “FINALLY!” moving in and that we “MUST MUST MUST bake them cookies!” So we did. We made them light pink heart shaped sugar cookies and a card with lots of sparkle stickers. When we went to deliver them, you rang the bell and axiously awaited that open door. When Mr Justin opened the door, you said “Hi! I’m Becca what’s your name?” And proceeded to walk right in. Thankfully our new neighbors are very friendly and have two adult daughters, so they have twice had an almost four year old little girl full of energy and enthusiasm. Mrs Debbie gave you a grand tour of their house – but the bonus? – you made ALL of us smile. You have that way about you. You have gone from a shy violet baby who didn’t want to be oggled over to this amazing social butterfly who has never met a stranger. You thanked them for moving in, and for the tour, and boldly invited them over to our house for dinner sometime soon. Because that’s what you do. You have a heart for hospitality.
And then today you stretched me in another way. You’ve been working on me for a while. Whether you know it or not, you and your brother are the reasons I go to the gym almost daily- the reasons I want to be healthy (and the reasons I need more energy!! HA!). I strive to set a healthy example for you, and I push myself to my limits because I refuse to be a person who lets an auto immune disease ruin my life. I want to show you what it means to be a fighter- an overcomer. Well, so today you ended up in the jogging stroller in front of me for my first 5k. I planned to jog some and mainly walk- not wanting to push the joints in my feet and ankles too far. We had some fun- you ran alongside a few times… And we had some frustration. You kept whining about this and that, and well, I finally got to the point where I sorta told you off and told you I was done listening. And that’s when you did the amazing thing that grew me as a person. You distracted me. Again. But throwing a little huffy fit in the stroller, and causing me to turn the music up in my earbuds, and shake my head… And miss the sign. The sign that pointed the 5k folks one direction, and pointed the 10k folks straight ahead. A few blocks down, I realized what I had done. And I could have been mad at you. Or I could have turned around and gone back. But that’s not who I am. That’s not who I’m teaching you to be. We Hinnant girls don’t give up, or turn around. We don’t get mad at someone else when we make a mistake ourselves. We press on. We work harder. Despite what your almost four year old self might think, we Hinnant girls don’t do whining and drama. We press on. We overcome. We meet a nice older lady sweeping her front porch and ask to use her potty because, after all, we Hinnant girls don’t pee in the grass on the side of the road! (Well, you don’t yet anyway. A few years of camping will get you that ability… but by that point, you’ll be too old to innocently pee on the side of the road… and you won’t have to because your bladder will be larger… but, I digressed.) I didn’t plan to do a 10k today. But I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you were with me. Because now I know I’m stronger than I thought. I know I can push your little 45+ pound body plus a stroller full of crap up hills and down hills and around town- a full 10k around town. And I learned something else about myself. I learned a little bit more about how much I love you and how much it matters to me the example that I set for you.
So thank you. You drive me crazy. But I love you more than you can ever make me crazy. And every time you push me to my limits, I learn that a little bit more. It’s not easy being your mom. But it’s the most amazing adventure ever. And I’m so glad God put us on the path together. The 10k path. Because girl, we kick bootee! And I wouldn’t have done the 10k without you. I wouldn’t have met the nice lady with the really nice bathroom without you. I wouldn’t have met our new neighbors without you. I wouldn’t be the me I am today, without you.
Watching you run across the finish line with the little rubber ducky you saved from the side of the road, my heart swelled with pride. No, you didn’t run (or even walk) the entire 10K in your fancy pink cowgirl boots, but you were right there with me every single step of the way, pushing me further than I’d ever gone before. You encouraged me to blast my music on my phone so our stroller could have a “radio,” which made me laugh. You… you… you. You are amazing. I love you. To the next galaxy and back an infinite number of times. Ha! I finally beat you at the “love you to the moon and back” game! I love you. Always. Forever. And so much more.