October is breast cancer awareness month. The reminders are everywhere- and if you watch the NFL, it’s a bright pink reminder nearly all the players are toting around in some form or another. So many people have jumped on the early detection bandwagon (for lack of a better word), and I’m greatful they have!! I know personally several breast cancer survivors, and I appreciate the fact that it’s not taboo to talk about the importance of annual health checks – because early detection can truly save lives. I am so greatful for the lives that have been saved- and have impacted me. From a professor, to a mentor from church, a friend, and countless others- former coworkers, friends, and neighbors.
But October is also awareness month for something that IS still taboo to talk about. It’s a month when we remember the infants whom we have lost. Whether through miscarriage, at birth, just after birth, or through SIDS. People don’t talk about these losses. Like they are somehow taboo. I can talk about my boobs and say that my last breast screening was clear, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief, and says how great it is to have those check-ups. But when I announce that I had two miscarriages between Becca and Grayson, the room goes silent. Noone knows how to respond. I have several friends who have experienced similar losses. Miscarriages are the hidden struggle that MANY couples deal with. Alone. My doctor told me that 1 in 4 pregnancies doesn’t result in a live birth. 1 in 4. Most of them are termed “chemical” pregnancies- because the fertilized egg doesn’t correctly attach to the uterus wall, and therefore can’t receive the nutrients it needs to live. Lots of women who have chemical pregnancies don’t even know they are pregnant. I did. And I grieve that loss. I firmly believe that my little boy is in Heaven, waiting for the day Mommy will come- and he’ll greet me, along with his sibling whom we lost a little bit further in, at about 8 weeks (I’m not certain, but I think a girl), and they’ll have open arms waiting for me. I can’t wait to hold them both and hug them. And tell them how very much their Daddy and I love them. They are up there with three great aunts/uncles, and countless other angels that never saw the light of day until they saw the Light of Heaven.
They are also there with a sweet angel I’ll never forget. Her name is Sophia. She was born just a couple short weeks before Becca, and with every milestone Becca meets, I think of her- and of her family. Sophia was born with some major health problems, and only was here on earth for a very short 4 days. Her loss was catastrophic. She is truly an angel in Jesus’ arms. And I know she’s waiting to see her Mommy and Daddy and big brother again, too.
So for all those I love touched by breast cancer, I light a pink candle and think of you.
And for all those who have experienced the loss of a precious little angel, I light a blue candle (blue because of my first little boy) and think of you.
May God keep all of us near, and may we be encouraged that this world is not our home, and someday, we will see all of our loved ones again. Let’s work to get the word out- and not be afraid to speak up and talk about our losses.
Butterbees and Bumbleflies 