Category: Becca

The Best Defense is a Good Offense…

All of life is about growing and changing.  Even as adults.  Maybe especially as adults.  The more experiences we encounter, the more we realize the need for change.  Obviously, we could float along at the status quo, but would we ever truly be happy or see success if we did that?  No, of course not.  As a parent, I feel like I’m constantly pulled between the needs of my children and the wants of my own selfishness.  And there’s no way around that – we are as humans selfish beings.  We have the opportunity to lay aside our selfishness to serve others, but we often don’t chose to… or at least find that process difficult.  Call it my humanity, but giving up what I want for my kids is just crazy.  And yet, it happens.  Day after day.  Because God puts within a parent a heart of service.  Whether we want it or not, we have this amazing desire to do whatever it takes to help our children succeed.  To the point that we often forget who we were before they came along, and lose track of our interests and hobbies for the sake of becoming merely “Becca and Grayson’s Mom.”  As a mom, we give and give and give.  All day long.  Our pitcher constantly gets poured out to water these little beings we are raising.  So what are we doing to refill the pitcher?

I think so often we as moms get so wrapped up in our kids and their needs that we forget about ourselves.  When this happens, our pitcher of water starts to dry up.  And when the pitcher is empty, how can we pour anything else out to help our kids?  We feel tired, dry, depressed, frustrated, and yes, even angry.  Anybody with me on this?  I bet you are.  Because I know that I’m not the only mom who has ever felt the weight of the final straw.  I know I’m not the only mom with regrets.  Those “oh how I wish I hadn’t said that” moments.  And when those moments start turning into frequent events because your pitcher of water is constantly dry and you just don’t have anything else to give to your kids, it’s easy to start feeling hopeless and helpless – and stuck.  Like there is no other way to live but with a dry pitcher and feeling anger and depression pressing in on all sides – like you are some sort of human waffle being burned on all sides and formed into a shape that you don’t want to be.

Ya’ll, I’m here to tell you – IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!!!  I recently took a class on how to combat mommy anger, and the biggest thing I pulled from it (other than the concept of GRACE, which I’ll mention later) is that we as moms need both offensive AND defensive strategies to help combat our anger.  So I wanted to share some of mine with you to maybe give you some ideas.. and I also wanted to encourage each of you to take the time to go through this seven day course.  It really will change the way you interact with your kids!

Offensive ideas:
-Take the time to tidy that one area that you’ve been putting off for whatever reason… because just walking by that area has been adding to your stress unknowingly.  It’s amazing how just FINALLY tidying up our mudroom has reduced the anger in my life!  I never realized that that out of the way place was causing my anger meter to start higher with the kids.   (You’ll learn all about your anger meter and your personal triggers when you take the course!) But now, when I walk through there, I’m not constantly thinking “oh I’ll get to that someday.”  Because day after day of thinking that builds up to a LOT of stress.  Ya’ll, when I cleaned it out, I found the Easter egg hunt plastic eggs from LAST Easter.  I found a Christmas present that was supposed to be exchanged.  I found shoes that haven’t fit the kids in over a year.  I found last summer’s half empty bottle of sunscreen.  It had been building for a LONG time.  I also found those library books that we (yes, even still) need to return…

-Find a comforting scent for your home.  Whether you are into candles or Scentsy or DoTerra or YoungLiving or any other such thing, it doesn’t matter.  Having a scent in your home that refreshes you is just such an incredible and powerful thing.  It might also help your kids!  You might talk to them about what scents they like and let them have some input.  It could be that you’re already using a scent that puts THEM on edge and you don’t even realize it!

-Plan to have ME TIME every day.  I prefer to have mine first thing in the morning before the kids get up, with my quiet time.  (I love Hello Mornings – you should check it out!)  It’s amazing how committing that time to begin the day with me and God has made me start out refreshed.  Instead of crawling out of bed depressed and dragging about all the chores I have to do, I start my day by greeting the Son and watching the sunrise!  Nothing better.

Do these offensive strategies fix it all?  No.  Because as Alicia says in her course, anger isn’t going away.  And my main triggers are my kids and their behaviors and words.  So that’s where those defensive strategies come in (which really, they can be offensive too… you’ll see why)!!

Defensive ideas:
-Adult coloring is the latest and greatest craze.  And ya’ll, I have fallen into it hook line and sinker.  It is WONDERFUL!  When I am upset with child behavior, I can say “ok – we BOTH need to take a time out.  I’m going to choose to color while I take my time out to calm down.”  Sometimes I allow Becca to sit on her car rug and play ALONE with the cars.  It calms her just like coloring calms me.  (note: coloring is a very active process for her that excites her and also causes stress.  But when she is upset and playing with cars, she either sits or lays on her tummy on the rug, rubs the rug with the palm of one hand, and drives the cars repetitively back and forth on the same spot.  This gives her the sensory input she needs to calm her down incredibly.  Obviously, for many kids, coloring would be calming as well, and playing cars might be too much excitement.  Know your kid!)  Offensively, I love to color in the evenings after a long day to de-stress so that I sleep better, which thus starts me off on a more well-rested day the next day.

-Food is an addiction for many Americans.  It’s why so many of us are obese.  Alcohol is also a very dangerous addiction.  I have found that I used to defensive eat before I started the Best Body Countdown back in January.  (Read about my weight loss journey here.)  Thankfully I’ve never defensively drank.  But, I have discovered that coffee is a very benign addiction that calms me considerably.  On days when I’m just frustrated out of my mind with the kids and my anger is about ready to bubble out of the pot, I make a pot – of coffee.  The world can swirl and spin out of control around me, but that moment of standing at the coffee pot and sipping the first sweet sips of hot relief are freeing.  It’s a moment that I can close my eyes and just escape.

-Another way that I have found to escape and calm myself down is to duck into the pantry and read the daily verse from my morning Bible study again and say a quick prayer.  Like literally taking two minutes (sometimes less) to run away and hide.  Offensively, I figured out that I was regularly ducking out around 4:00 each afternoon, so I set an alarm on my phone that goes off daily at 3:45 to remind me to go ahead and step out and reset my mind before it becomes a defensive need.  I also love using that quick moment away to look up the verse on my YouVersion app and make a photographic reminder of the verse using their easy photo/verse maker.

Obviously, I have discovered these things over time, and they are what works for me.  They might not work for you, or you might need to modify.  I HIGHLY recommend that if you are struggling with anger, or even extreme frustration, that you take the course and come up with your own combative strategies.  (I’d love it if you’d share them in the comments below!!)  You’ll also learn how to approach your emotions, how to voice them, how to offer yourself grace, and so much more.  Don’t think that offensive and defensive strategies are all the pieces to the puzzle… you’ll have to take the course to get the rest of them. 😉  (Yup, I’m an affiliate, so your purchase helps out our family, as well as yours!!!)

Click on any of the text links, or click the photo below to learn more!

This is What Love Feels Like

What Love Feels Likesm

God has this amazing way of teaching me a lesson in about twenty different ways, all while I’m totally unaware… and then suddenly all the loose ends come together in a giant crescendo and my light bulb goes on.  That has happened to me this week.  The giant crescendo.  I’d like to say that this time I saw it coming, but nope.  Once again, He pulled out all the stops for this surprise.

It wasn’t long ago I started realizing that what used to be a mild level of frustration (mainly with the kids, but some also with the house and work) was actually a gurgling pot I’d left on the back burner too long that was about to boil over…or worse yet, scorch.  And we all know that smell when the potatoes have scorched?  Well, yeah, I got to that point.  The potatoes started to scorch, ya’ll.  And I didn’t realize soon enough that the pot was boiling… until I finally realized how much my attitude stunk.  Especially toward my kiddos.

I’ve mentioned in lots of previous posts that it is HARD to be Becca’s mom.  But lately several Bible studies have all been pointing me to God’s perfect love – the kind of love I’m supposed to be showing her.  Something about spending those last days with my Grandma before she passed, and really bragging to her about Becca and her love of the Lord and reading her Bible and how kind her heart is… it’s really sunk in.  She really IS an amazing child with a wonderful heart.  Something about reviewing in my mind the selflessness that my Grandma always displayed, and her servant heart… the kind of attitude I want to be displaying to my family… all these things have been working in my mind.

Last Thursday night, I went to the TobyMac concert.  And he explained the back story behind one of my favorite songs, “Love Feels Like.”  It’s all about the love and service and dedication it takes to care for an ailing parent.  It took me back to my Grandma that last week of her life.  It reminded me of seeing my mom and the love and care she showed to my grandparents when they needed her so desperately in the end.  Of how stretched to the end of her limits she was, and yet she kept on giving – because they needed her.  And it reminded me that love and BEING love to someone isn’t always easy.  In fact, REAL love is pretty dang difficult.  Like send your Son to die on a cross difficult.  (Fittingly all of this realization happens right after Easter, too… definitely not a coincidence – just another sign of His great hand in everything.)

Then, another “loose end” God presented me with recently was the opportunity to pre-view a friend’s 7-day online video course on controlling mommy anger.  I jumped at the opportunity to participate.  Why not?  I had realized I have this anger pot boiling, scorching even – what perfect timing! (Coincidence?  I think not!)  So I dove in.  And by the time I had finished the worksheets, God had finally slapped me with His big crescendo.  All the loose ends came together in one marvelous revelation of His great GRACE.

Alicia makes a fabulous point right off in her 7-day course.  She tells us that anger isn’t going away.  It’s an emotion.  It’s going to happen.  But I discovered through her course that by sitting down and taking time to think about the triggers that really bother me, and starting to be more mindful of WHY those triggers affect me and ways that I can combat them in the future, I can start to control that anger instead of letting it control me!  I have now worked through a LOT of feelings and emotions without ever having to go pay a shrink to make me feel crazy!  (Thank you, Alicia Michelle!!!)  But seriously, ya’ll!  Now that I think about the points she makes, they seem so common sense.  But I was in so deep.  My pot of potatoes had been boiling on that back burner for a LONG time.  The scorching was deep.  The stank in the house was BAD.  But ya’ll.  God’s GRACE.  My pot is stainless steal.  And God has wiped it clean.  No scrubbing required.  The stank is gone.  PEACE is possible.  The pot is reusable.

And here’s the really amazing thing that this course helped me to realize.  Anger isn’t going away.  But ya’ll.  When my potatoes scorch again?  God’s going to be right there to wipe my pot clean again.  I’ve learned so many strategies to help combat the anger, and I’m working with Becca too, on how she can control her anger and verbalize her feelings.  I’m learning to show grace to Becca, too.  Because she’s human just like I am.  She’s going to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.  Doesn’t mean that I love her any less.  Just like Toby’s song says, she could stretch me out like canvas, but I’m never going to fit in the frame.  I refuse to conform and allow her behavior to control mine.

7 days to less angry mom

I have a little poster I made and hung in her bathroom for her that I’m starting to think I need to hang all over the house.  It says “Feelings are Indicators, NOT Dictators.”  It’s so true, ya’ll.  My anger isn’t going away. But I need to deal with it, not let IT deal with me.  I now have both offensive and defensive strategies for dealing with her behavior as well as my other anger triggers, and I’m already starting to see success!

I’m telling you what.  If you have ever felt like your pot is sitting back there about ready to boil over or scorch and you just don’t know what to do about it, Alicia has some really awesome tips and some fabulous encouraging Bible verses to share with you, and I really hope that you will check out this course.  Obviously, I’m an affiliate and I’d love for you to buy the course because it helps me out, too.  But ya’ll.  I want you to do this for YOU, not for me.  It really WILL change the way you look at anger, and the way you look at loving your kids.  Because real love is hard.  Being a mom is HARD.  It stretches us out to the ends of our limits.  But LOVE, real LOVE is such a full feeling even when we are totally empty and beyond our own strength.  Don’t let your anger keep you from feeling that full, satisfying feeling of a heart of love.

love feels like

Because of You…

For those who are new to my blog, welcome!  Please note that I occasionally write letters to my kids, and email them to accounts I set up for each of them before they were born.  They will receive the address and password to those accounts when they are adults.

April 2, 2016
Dear Becca,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, and I could honestly say it’s because I’ve been busy… But it wouldn’t be totally truthful if I didn’t tell you that it’s also because I’ve been getting pretty frustrated with you lately.  Not only are you headstrong and independent, you like to whine.  And well, “drama” could pretty much be your middle name right now.  So why am I writing to you and saying these things?  You are almost four.  And when you’ll be reading this someday, you’ll need to know that I am already not yet four years into this gig very well aware of my imperfection in my mothering skills.  I know I’m not very patient *most* days.  I know that my frustration sometimes boils over into the realm of anger and bitterness.  (I’m actually taking an online course right now to help me with that.)  And I guess that’s the point of this letter.
I want to say thank you.  Because in all the frustrations, you are making me a better person. Not just a better mom, but a better ME.  Some days you drive me to my knees.  God knew that being your mom would stretch me to my limits, and that would bring me closer to Him.  But He also knew that you would make me laugh, and smile wider than I ever thought possible.  And He knew that your kind heart would take me out of my comfort zone and lead me to meet others.
Yesterday you were so excited when our new neighbors had a moving truck at their house.  You declared that they were “FINALLY!” moving in and that we “MUST MUST MUST bake them cookies!”  So we did.  We made them light pink heart shaped sugar cookies and a card with lots of sparkle stickers.  When we went to deliver them, you rang the bell and axiously awaited that open door.  When Mr Justin opened the door, you said “Hi!  I’m Becca what’s your name?” And proceeded to walk right in.  Thankfully our new neighbors are very friendly and have two adult daughters, so they have twice had an almost four year old little girl full of energy and enthusiasm.  Mrs Debbie gave you a grand tour of their house – but the bonus? – you made ALL of us smile.  You have that way about you.  You have gone from a shy violet baby who didn’t want to be oggled over to this amazing social butterfly who has never met a stranger.  You thanked them for moving in, and for the tour, and boldly invited them over to our house for dinner sometime soon.  Because that’s what you do.  You have a heart for hospitality.
And then today you stretched me in another way.  You’ve been working on me for a while.  Whether you know it or not, you and your brother are the reasons I go to the gym almost daily- the reasons I want to be healthy (and the reasons I need more energy!! HA!).  I strive to set a healthy example for you, and I push myself to my limits because I refuse to be a person who lets an auto immune disease ruin my life.  I want to show you what it means to be a fighter- an overcomer.  Well, so today you ended up in the jogging stroller in front of me for my first 5k.  I planned to jog some and mainly walk- not wanting to push the joints in my feet and ankles too far.  We had some fun- you ran alongside a few times…  And we had some frustration.  You kept whining about this and that, and well, I finally got to the point where I sorta told you off and told you I was done listening.  And that’s when you did the amazing thing that grew me as a person.  You distracted me.  Again.  But throwing a little huffy fit in the stroller, and causing me to turn the music up in my earbuds, and shake my head… And miss the sign.  The sign that pointed the 5k folks one direction, and pointed the 10k folks straight ahead.  A few blocks down, I realized what I had done.  And I could have been mad at you.  Or I could have turned around and gone back.  But that’s not who I am.  That’s not who I’m teaching you to be.  We Hinnant girls don’t give up, or turn around.  We don’t get mad at someone else when we make a mistake ourselves.  We press on.  We work harder.  Despite what your almost four year old self might think, we Hinnant girls don’t do whining and drama.  We press on.  We overcome.  We meet a nice older lady sweeping her front porch and ask to use her potty because, after all, we Hinnant girls don’t pee in the grass on the side of the road!  (Well, you don’t yet anyway.  A few years of camping will get you that ability… but by that point, you’ll be too old to innocently pee on the side of the road… and you won’t have to because your bladder will be larger… but, I digressed.)  I didn’t plan to do a 10k today.  But I’m not mad at you.  I’m glad you were with me.  Because now I know I’m stronger than I thought.  I know I can push your little 45+ pound body plus a stroller full of crap up hills and down hills and around town- a full 10k around town.  And I learned something else about myself.  I learned a little bit more about how much I love you and how much it matters to me the example that I set for you.
So thank you.  You drive me crazy.  But I love you more than you can ever make me crazy.  And every time you push me to my limits, I learn that a little bit more.  It’s not easy being your mom.  But it’s the most amazing adventure ever.  And I’m so glad God put us on the path together.  The 10k path.  Because girl, we kick bootee!  And I wouldn’t have done the 10k without you.  I wouldn’t have met the nice lady with the really nice bathroom without you.  I wouldn’t have met our new neighbors without you.  I wouldn’t be the me I am today, without you.
Watching you run across the finish line with the little rubber ducky you saved from the side of the road, my heart swelled with pride.  No, you didn’t run (or even walk) the entire 10K in your fancy pink cowgirl boots, but you were right there with me every single step of the way, pushing me further than I’d ever gone before.  You encouraged me to blast my music on my phone so our stroller could have a “radio,” which made me laugh.  You… you… you.  You are amazing.  I love you.  To the next galaxy and back an infinite number of times.  Ha!  I finally beat you at the “love you to the moon and back” game!  I love you.  Always.  Forever.  And so much more.
Love, Mommy
tour de castroville
left – in front of the waterfall at the river dam under HWY 90 / middle – running toward the beginning of the time – coat and all (it was COLD!) / right – running across the finish line! SO PROUD!!!

 

Teaching Graphs

I’m not going to begin to put an age level on this lesson because I’ve sort of lost all realistic memory of when is the “right time” to do this type of activity.  SO, I’ll say that if you think it might be time for your child, you might be right!

Graphing is so much fun.  And it’s even more fun when you add in a technology element and work with your child to set them up in Excel or Numbers!  I have a Mac, so our work was done in Numbers.  The first step before creating any graphs, however, is to collect data.

I came across this insect survey free on TPT and thought, somehow I have to make this work for Becca even though there isn’t a class full of kids to survey!  Enter social media.  I polled Facebook through my page (thanks to several friends and family members who shared my post!) and we received over 30 responses!

tally sheet

As I scrolled through the responses, I would read them out to Becca, and she learned about making tally marks.  She would mark the sheet, and then once we had recorded all of the answers, we counted the marks and I wrote how many of each insect had been “favorited” by our participants.  Making tally marks was a new experience for her, and she wanted to circle the groups of four instead of making a line through them for five to group them together.  Cody and I were both there for this lesson, and we had to explain to her that this isn’t something you can do however which way you want – to make tally marks, this IS the way to do it.  No other options.  She wasn’t real sure about that, which I dealt with again with her when we did our second grouping of data, which I’ll talk about later in this same post.

So, once we had the numbers for our insects, I pulled up Numbers and immediately set up a little data table.  She read off the insect names to me and how many of each one.  Then she decided what title we should put on our table.  I knew that I wanted to teach her about pie graphs AND bar graphs (she has seen some bar graphs before, but it’s been a while), so I first put the information into a pie graph, and she was immediately intrigued – she helped me select the colors that she wanted, and was very pleased.  She started asking questions about what % means… and I skirted around it by simply saying, it’s what part of the whole group it is – sort of like fractions.  She said “oh” and was actually content with that.  No doubt  percentages will be entering our math time very soon.  Then I let her select whether she wanted a vertical or horizontal bar graph, and she selected the color.  She decided that she needed some pictures of her top favorite insect to make it look a little “happier,” so I pulled up Google images, and had her type in “butterfly.”  She selected the image and I showed her how to save it.  Then she also saved a dragonfly and a ladybug.  I showed her how to import her photos into the document, and once I got them the right size, she dragged them to where she wanted them.  I had her tell me about her graphs and typed her words onto the “poster” as well.  We printed it out on card stock, and she was so proud to show her daddy!

becca w graph
Left: she typed in the words to save it to my computer, and was quite frustrated wanting to know what crazy person put the letters in the wrong order on the keyboard! HA!

Then, a couple days later, we colored Easter eggs with some dear friends.  And we had ALL. THESE. DANG. EGGS!  What to do with them all?  So after she had spent a good amount of time sticking butterfly stickers all over them, we sat down and made a tally of how many eggs we had of each color, and I had her draw a bar graph on paper so she would have the physical concept of what the bars show.  We talked about how “this is what three orange eggs look like in real life, and this is what they look like in tally marks, and this is what they look like on a bar graph!”  She said “that’s cool let’s put them on your computer.”  Hey, what can I say?  It’s really fun to make “graph posters” on Numbers!  So, for ease (and because it was almost bedtime) I pulled up her previous file, renamed and saved it as a new file, and then had her tell me the new data to type in.  She was quick to notice that I needed to change my titles on the data table, and told me what names I needed.  Instead of types of insects, I needed colors of eggs!  She decided this poster needed different graph colors, and of course it needed Easter egg images.  We also edited our text, and in about 7 minutes, we had a whole new graph poster about our Easter eggs!  We printed it and she was so excited again to show it off to her Daddy!

eggs

This is a super simple way to get your child talking about Science and Math AND to incorporate the Technology aspect of STEM as well.  Don’t have a computer or experience with Excel/Numbers?  No problem!  Drawing on paper can be awesome as well – you could draw on copy paper, cut them out, and post them onto a large sheet of construction paper!  Clip photos from magazines, or illustrate yourself with paints and markers!

I’ve noticed since doing these graphs, Becca is much more interested in Math again – not shying away from addition and subtraction story problems, and excited to count and sit to learn new math concepts as well.  Remember – Math HAS to be FUN!!!  Make it that way!

insect survey

egg graphs

Fun in the Sun

Its 82F right now.  And still getting hotter.  There’s a good breeze, but it definitely feels like summer.  On the 8th of March.  Crazy.  So what to do with two little hooligans who are bored inside?  Get out the water hose!  As I’m typing this, I’m having to remind Becca not to get my phone wet… And I keep having to move!  Lol.  We are all three soaking.  And the giggles are just so contagious that I had to stop and write NOW.  Because this is one of those posts you don’t take time for later.  And I want you in the moment with me.

I’m standing here and Becca keeps randomly blasting my legs with ice cold water, making me jump… And both kids laugh like crazy.  I’m backing away, trying not to trip on the hose.  This the most fun ever.  “MOMMY!  Stop!  I’m gonna water you!  But don’t worry, not your phone!  Are you videoing me??”  Oh these kids.  I love them so much.  I needed this so badly.  So. Dang. Much. Fun.

Later…
What a fun time!  I have to focus on those moments when I look back later… Like right now… While they fight over toys in the bathtub.  Apparently if I want them to come together I just have to give them a waterhose and start running!  Life with two isn’t always a bed of roses, but it does have it’s up-sides every now and then!  And these giggles?  Are so amazing.