Ramblings – Page 11 – Butterbees and Bumbleflies

Dear, Sweet Girl,

I love you beyond belief. Three years ago, we were anxiously awaiting your arrival, and 2 1/2 years ago today, you arrived. You were all red and crinkly, and I was so very sick. But even through the haze of what was to become a massive surgery and agonizingly long eight weeks of recovery (and then months of figuring out how to live without a gallbladder), I remember the moment I first held you. I remember I sort of blacked out because the joy and the emotion was just so intense. I remember crying. And I remember feeling so in awe at this tiny little being that had grown and lived inside of me that was now out in the real world.

I had no idea where these past 2 1/2 years would bring us, what you would look like, or how my heart you would capture completely. I knew there would be ups and downs, I just didn’t know how dramatic they would be. I didn’t know how much fun we would have together – working puzzles and collecting rocks and reading books. I didn’t know what an awesome big sister you would be, or how loving and gentle you would be with your kitty cat. I had no idea how intensely you would do everything you do, or how vast your mood swings would be.

I knew some things, though. I knew we were blessed beyond measure. I knew that God had a special plan for your life. I knew that no matter what you ever did or said, I would love you. And that knowledge has not changed.

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On the days when you are silly and we laugh and giggle and snuggle, I love you. On the days when you refuse to eat and throw your food in the floor, I love you. On the days when you bring me book after book after book to read, I love you. On the days when you scream “NO!” and tell me to stop talking, I love you. Because my love is unconditional. I’ll never understand this love that God has placed in my heart, but I am so very, very thankful for it. At 2 1/2,you are sometimes the sweetest child I have ever known, and then 5 minutes later you can be a terror. It comes with the age, and I know in your heart that you WANT to do the right things. I see the love in your eyes. I see the sorrow and the tears when you mess up. I know you are learning. And even when my job is hard, even when I just want to give in and give up, I will stand strong. Because I know you are counting on me.

I love you even when I say “no.” I love you even whenI say “not right now.” I love you even when I say “that’s not safe.” I love you even when I say “stop.”

Because I love you, I say, “no.” Because I love you, I say, “not right now.” Because I love you, I say, “that’s not safe.” Because I love you, I say, “stop.”

My job isn’t an easy one. It seems some days you are determined to turn off your ears and just be a kid. And on those days, I do the learning. God is teaching me patience. He’s showing me how to love even when it’s not easy. He is teaching me that being a Mommy is a great job – that I can not do alone. He’s teaching me to rely on Him.

And He is teaching you – whether you seem like you are listening, or not. Teaching you to respect, to love, to be patient, to be gentle, to be kind. He’s teaching you how to one day be a Mommy. I pray I will always be a good example to you of how to be a good Mommy. But I know some days I will falter. And on those days, I pray that you will see me turn to Him for my strength.

These past 2 1/2 years have been amazing. And I know the next 2 1/2 will go even faster, and then faster, and faster, and one day, many years from now, you’ll be sitting down with a piece of paper in your hand. It’ll have an email address and a password on it. And you’ll begin to pour over the countless letters I will have by that point sent to you. And I pray in that moment, the moment when you read THIS letter, that you will feel my love. That you will sense the desperation that sometimes I feel. That you will know the stress. That you will feel the incredible weakness that I admit to owning. That you will know I am human. That you will know that your little 2 1/2 year old self has taken me through so many trials already that sometimes I wonder how on earth I’ll survive your teenage years.

And in all those feelings, I want you to know that LOVE overshadows them all. Because it doesn’t matter what you throw at me (literally or figuratively!). This ship refuses to sink against the waves and the storm. My sails won’t rip. I will stand strong. I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU. I will take tantrums in the floor standing strong. I will let you cry yourself to sleep, and watch you on the monitor to make sure you made it into the bed and got covered up so you won’t be cold. Because I LOVE YOU. No matter how stressed out. No matter how much coffee it takes to wake me up. No matter, no matter, no matter.

I LOVE YOU, Sweet Becca Boo. 2 1/2 years ago today, God placed you in my arms. I loved you then, I love you today, and I love you always – with a love that can only grow stronger throughout the years.

I LOVE YOU, baby girl.

Always,
Mommy

Looking Forward to Christmas Future

Thursday and yesterday, I shared with you the first two of my “A Christmas Carol” moments with you – Remembering Christmas Past (on #TBT), and Enjoying Christmas Present. So now, here we are, Looking Forward to Christmas Future.

I was recently approached by an artist and her team who likes my blog (thanks guys!!) asking if I’d check out their website and see if I’d be willing to share. Not only was I really impressed by her art (WOW!), I liked the writing prompt – to share photos of family memories at Christmas time. I decided to take it a step further, and use one of her ornaments to inspire my writing each day of this set.

This is the Tin Rejoicing Star Ornament!
This lovely bit hand-crafted brilliance is $38 and available here.

It’s hard to know what Christmas future holds. Right now, it’s lots of questions. I could make assumptions, but I chose not to. I know that what will be, will be. And so, this star instead provided inspiration to look back, as I look forward. Because there’s only One who knows what our Christmas Future looks like. And He is the one for which the stars dance.

Which reminds me of that night, long ago, when a young teenage girl couldn’t have possibly fathomed what Christmas Future would look like. She didn’t even know what Christmas was – because she was about to deliver the Reason for the Season. She couldn’t have known that in 34 years, the Reason we celebrate would have already died, and risen, and ascended into Heaven. She couldn’t have known all the things the next 33 years of her life would hold – or even that in the coming weeks she and her small babe would be visited by three astronomers who happened to notice a brand new star, dancing in the Heavens. She couldn’t have known they would bring Him valuable gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Gifts for fit a King, but for one born in a stinky, sweaty, unsanitary stable with the pigs and goats watching.

The star had suddenly appeared, and these Wise Men knew it was special. It was worth following. It would lead them to the prophesied King. No, Mary couldn’t have possibly known what was in store for her. Nor could she have imagined that the One whom she delivered would deliver all of us in the way that He did, giving us the REASON for Christmas – Past, Present, and Future.

Only He knows what our Christmas future holds, and I know that whatever He has in store – be they happy or sad, He’ll be there to get us through them. And THAT is why we have Christmas.

So dance, like this little star, and REJOICE! For the babe that was born lived like us, died for us, and loves us. He holds Christmas Past, Present, and Future. REJOICE!

Enjoying Christmas Present

Yesterday, I shared with you the first of my “A Christmas Carol” moments with you – Remembering Christmas Past (appropriately on #TBT). Tomorrow, we’ll be Looking Forward to Christmas Future. But for today, we’re right here. Right now. Enjoying Christmas Present!

Meet the Poinsettia Queen! Isn’t she gorgeous?
This lil hand-crafted beauty is $44 and available here.

Seeing her, I instantly think of Becca. Her dress is light and airy – just like Becca loves, and she has “magic fairy wands,” which make her super special. The wings are just the perfect finishing touch. She’s just Becca. Through and through. And this year is super special with Becca. She’s got such an understanding of giving, and I can’t wait to share with you next week the special gift giving project she’s got for this year. She also embodies the Spirit of Christmas because of her wonder. I never get tired of watching her step on the button to turn on the Christmas tree lights. When they light up, so does she, and there’s just nothing more beautiful than that little face all lit up by Christmas lights and excitement.

She enjoyed Christmas morning last year, but THIS year, THIS is the year. The year that she really understands. She really gets it. She knows about giving presents, but she also knows about receiving. And she also knows about Santa. She doesn’t have total understanding yet, but she’s starting to “get it,” and we’ll soon be writing a letter to send to Santa. She’s already started compiling a list of things she wants… and uhh… Santa’s working hard to live up to his reputation of being able to keep track of all those little wishes!

This is the year that our own little Poinsettia Queen will be the star of Christmas morning. And yet, all at the same time, little brother is celebrating his first Christmas, which is also super exciting! His awe and amazement looking at the Christmas tree is also a thing of beauty, and the sense of “wow” he had when sitting on the Big Man’s lap was just too priceless. I’ll treasure that moment forever.

This year as we prepare for Christmas morning and all of the excitement it brings, our hearts are full to bursting. God has delivered to us two of the most wonderful Christmas presents we could ever wish for in our two precious children. We want for nothing, and Santa need not bring Mommy or Daddy anything else and our hearts would be content. The family that we dreamed of, while walking in a “Winter Wonderland,” has come true. God is so good.

Remembering Christmas Past

The next three days, I’ll be sharing my “A Christmas Carol” moments with you – Remembering Christmas Past (appropriately on #TBT), Enjoying Christmas Present, and Looking Forward to Christmas Future.

Let me introduce you to “Thaddeus.” Isn’t he just adorable?
This lil hand-crafted penguin is $17 and available here.

And where did Thaddeus take me in my Christmas memories from the past? To the year 2002, when Tulsa, my home town, became flooded with penguins – of the huge variety – as the Tulsa Zoo prepared to build a new penguin habitat and needed funding. Ginormously huge penguins were crafted, and decorated, and placed in front of stores all over town. Then, they were auctioned off to the highest bidder, thus raising money for the Zoo exhibit.

In our usual go-all-out fashion, my mom and I drove all over town on my Thanksgiving and Christmas break from my freshman year of college… and just as though we were back in the day of collecting those Teeny Beanies from McDonalds Happy Meals, we hit up every penguin we could find (with a carefully marked map in hand) and proceeded to take pictures with every single one. That was a LOT of penguin-graphing, and such fun times in the car with mom, mapping out the best route to the next penguin. Many of the penguins have started to disappear – as their highest bid winners have moved them – presumably indoors. But you can still see the penguins in random places around town, and when we’re “back home,” and I happen to drive by a penguin, or when I see one like this Thaddeus ornament, they always make me smile, as I remember that crazy Christmas when mom and I raced all over town to see if we could see every single one.

Thanks, Mom, for keeping these pics and send them to me! I figured the best way to show them would to be a collage of all of them instead of picking just one or two to share.

Saying Thank You

The one thing we don’t really have to spend much work on with Becca is saying “thank you” when people do things for her. Somehow, it seems to roll naturally off of her tongue. Help her work a puzzle, you’ll get a “thank you.” Hand her something she has dropped, help her put on her shoes, or turn on her favorite show, and you’ll hear it too. It’s so natural of her. Which I think is awesome. Her primary love language is words of affirmation. She has learned that telling people “thank you” makes them happy. And she always wants to please.

My primary love language is acts of service. But I’m not as quick to say thank you for those acts of service as I should be. So today, as I sit and think about the things, and people, and acts of service that I am thankful for, I have some thank yous to post here. And I’d like to challenge you, as you think about all the things and people that you are thank you for- how often do you say thank you for acts of service? And who do you (or your child) need to say thank you to?

The first person I’d like to thank is my husband. Cody is the rock that keeps everything solid in our house. He often comes home in the middle of a struggle at the dinner table, a crying baby, and a stressed out me. And he can assess the situation and calm it so easily. Our kiddos both adore him, and so do I. But what I really want to say thank you for are the times of escape that he provides. He lets me take off and go scrapbook with friends. He lets me go grocery shopping solo. He encourages me to just go spend a few minutes alone. And for that, I am eternally greatful.

I’d also like to thank:
-My mom, for always being there to listen, and just always being there. Period. You’re a steady person I can count on, and so many people don’t have that.

-My dad, for the example that you set of how a husband should treat his wife, and what a marriage looks like. I knew what to look for in a husband because of the way you lived your life. You truly are the best daddy in the world, and now the best PawPaw in the world!

-Ray and Sherry, for raising Cody to be such a wonderful husband and father to our kids- he is today who he is because of your love and care and example. I am so blessed to have him, and to have you guys for inlaws. So many people I know cringe at the word “inlaws”… But I smile. I love you guys so much and I really appreciate how much you have welcomed me into your family and become a second set of parents to me.

-Rena, for being my shoulder to lean on when I need Mommy advice, or an escape from being “Mommy” to remember the woman I am in Christ.

-Ora, for leading our MOPS group fearlessly and allowing our friendship to grow.

-Amy, for being a second mom to Becca and being someone she can trust and love and run to when I’m not available.

-Lena, for being an awesome mentor mom that I know is praying for me and can offer godly advice from years of experience.

-Sherry, for always being willing to help as I continue to encounter new travel agency questions even several years into my career.

-Naomi, you are the dearest friend I’ve never met. My “soul sister,” my encourager, my spiritual uplifter- you keep me on the path and your accountability plays a key role in my daily walk with our Father. I can’t begin to thank you enough for who you are to me.

-Jenn, Jamie, and Wan- you three are my iron. Thank you for being there every day to sharpen me, to pray for me, to encourage me, and to keep me on the narrow path. I love our accountability group, and the three of you and Naomi are some of my dearest friends. I pray that one day I can meet each of you like I have Jenn.

-Jenn, thank you for your books. You are the most amazing author, and to know you personally is such a great honor. You write such encouraging, wholesome, pure stories and I am constantly in awe of you… And the fact that I know personally, deeply, this awesome woman that is Jenn Faulk. (www.jennfaulk.com – totally shameless plug!)

-My whole scrapbooking crew- thank you for your friendships and for the laughter we share. Thank you for listening to countless stories about my kids (because you know they are my whole world), and for the encouragement and inspiration to express myself creatively through my scrapbook art.

-My clients- the travel agency continues to grow for me, and I’m so blessed. This past year despite having a baby, I helped well over 50 individuals/couples/families/groups with travel, and each one of them is a blessing to our family in such a tangible way. Being able to work from home is a blessing so many moms don’t get to experience, and I am truly so thankful that each of those clients chose to work with me and allowed me to have a part in their lives.

-My readers- this blog has grown in the past few months from some occasional ramblings into what I hope will someday become another source of income for our family. I love writing, but the awesome thing is knowing that you all are there- on your computers, tablets, and phones- wherever you are… Reading. And entering into a very small portion of my life because we share a common interest- the education of our kids. Or maybe you’re more interested in my art posts. Or maybe you prefer just reading my ramblings. Whatever it is that brings you here, I’m thankful for you, and I hope you share. Remember that you can also like my page on Facebook (www.facebook.com/butterbeesandbumbleflies) because I share lots of links over there that don’t get shared here.

I hope that today you will stop and say “thank you”- not just to God (as I’ve posted about previously this week), but also to people for their acts of service. And as a mom, my big challenge to you is to find time to stop and talk to your kids one-on-one, and tell them what you are thankful for about them. What acts of service are you thankful for? What character traits are you thankful God has given to them? Stop today, and say thank you. If you’re half as blessed as me, you’ve got a LOT for which to be thankful!