Ramblings – Page 13 – Butterbees and Bumbleflies

Lily Pads and Saying “yes”

In an effort to turn around my attitude as a mom, and to make parenting a two year old somewhat more enjoyable, I have tried to start saying “yes” a whole lot more often… and “no” a whole lot less. She says “no” enough for the both of us! HA! I like this article that Ashley over at Play at Home Mom wrote about saying yes to her kids. Obviously, I’m not her, and she’s not me… and I don’t say “yes” all the time. But I’m working on responding in a positive way instead of immediately saying “no” to something. Giving her a sound reason- like, “well, if we do the puzzle now we’ll be late for dance class. How about we do the puzzle when we get home and aren’t going to miss dance?” Instead of saying “no – put that away,” when she gets out a puzzle right before we need to leave. If I just say “no,” old world order would say that she as a child should immediately stiffen up straight, say “yes ma’am,” and put the puzzle back. But I don’t have a robot, or a trained seal, for a two year old. She has her own (very strong) brain. When I say “no,” her first response (in her brain) is “why not?” But if I instead tell her we’ll be late for dance class, and suggest that she do it later, that gives her the reason why without her ever going on the defensive. It doesn’t mean that at this option for a fork in the road she’ll jump and run to put the puzzle away, but she is FAR more likely with this response from me vs the immediate “no.” I’m also finding that simply following the “no” with the reason isn’t good enough. When she hears the word “no,” her brain shuts down and goes into defense mode. She is no longer the receiver downfield just waiting for whatever I can throw her way, she is suddenly on defense – for the other team – fighting against me.

So by now you’re wondering – how to lily pads play into all this? Well, a couple of afternoons ago, I was washing bottles (I’m forever washing bottles), and she started throwing all the pillows off of the couch. (We have one of those couches you can rearrange the back cushion – it’s all just big pillows.) Now at this point I could consider the fact that I really need to vacuum, and our living room floor probably isn’t the cleanest, or I could just say, what harm is there? and move on, which is what I chose to do. She proceeded to stack the pillows and crawl over them, lay them out and hop from one “lily pad” to another, attempt to hop on one foot, and then when she got tired, she grabbed a catalog and laid down and started flipping through. What harm is there in letting a kid be a kid? NONE! She loved it, she had fun, and… BONUS! She WORE HERSELF OUT!!!

Am I saying that the word “no” shouldn’t exist in your vocabulary with your child? No. But what I am saying is that you pick and chose when to use it wisely. When your child runs away from you in a parking lot, begins to start crossing the street in front of a car, starts to stick his/her hand in the fireplace, marches barefoot toward a fire ant pile they haven’t seen… dangerous situations call for an immediate “NO!” and sometimes it is shouted forcefully. THAT IS OK! Especially if you don’t use the word “no” very often… it immediately tells your child that this is a safety situation that could be very dangerous, and if they aren’t used to hearing it, it will likely stop them in their tracks (or you can hope it does, anyway). So many things in life can be “yes” – even if it’s a “yes, later” answer. If you don’t want your five year old getting her ears pierced, then when she asks, perhaps a better response would be, “I think you will be beautiful with your ears pierced, but I think you need to wait a few years before you get that done. Let’s re-visit this idea in a couple of years.” If she pushes further, the answer is not “I said, no!” The answer is, “Let me talk to your Daddy and we will come up with an age we think is appropriate for you to get your ears pierced, and then we’ll talk to you about it and make a plan.” Then do it. Follow through. If it’s something like this that is simply in your mind not going to happen until a certain age, then stand firm! Don’t lose your backbone because your child begs. But don’t just give them a “no” comeback. Involve them in the process. Tell them your reasoning. Especially with an older child. Work on answering “well, how about we….” I’m still working on this. It’s a long road to walk to change your behavior. But since “no” is instilled in us from the very beginning (simply by the osmosis of being alive on this planet), we have to work at becoming “yes” parents. I’m willing to take the challenge. Are you?

In Daddy’s Arms

Inspired to write the other day while at the beach, I looked out of the tent and watched Becca and Cody building sand castles and flying over the waves, and wrote this. I love you, Cody Hinnant! Thank you for being the best Daddy in the whole world to our children!

In Daddy’s Arms
In Daddy’s arms, there are butterfly wings to fly through the air.
In Daddy’s arms, there are pirate’s swords to swashbuckle with the best of them.
In Daddy’s arms, there are fish fins to brave any crashing waves.
In Daddy’s arms, there is safety.
In Daddy’s arms, there is imagination.
In Daddy’s arns, there are stories and puzzles and “cars on the cool rug” and movies and endless episodes of Super Why and Lil Einsteins.
In Daddy’s arms, there are hugs and snuggles.
In Daddy’s arms, there is love.
In Daddy’s arms, there is a girl, a boy, and the luckiest Mommy in the world.
And there’s nowhere any of us would rather be, than
In Daddy’s Arms.

In Memory…

October is breast cancer awareness month. The reminders are everywhere- and if you watch the NFL, it’s a bright pink reminder nearly all the players are toting around in some form or another. So many people have jumped on the early detection bandwagon (for lack of a better word), and I’m greatful they have!! I know personally several breast cancer survivors, and I appreciate the fact that it’s not taboo to talk about the importance of annual health checks – because early detection can truly save lives. I am so greatful for the lives that have been saved- and have impacted me. From a professor, to a mentor from church, a friend, and countless others- former coworkers, friends, and neighbors.

But October is also awareness month for something that IS still taboo to talk about. It’s a month when we remember the infants whom we have lost. Whether through miscarriage, at birth, just after birth, or through SIDS. People don’t talk about these losses. Like they are somehow taboo. I can talk about my boobs and say that my last breast screening was clear, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief, and says how great it is to have those check-ups. But when I announce that I had two miscarriages between Becca and Grayson, the room goes silent. Noone knows how to respond. I have several friends who have experienced similar losses. Miscarriages are the hidden struggle that MANY couples deal with. Alone. My doctor told me that 1 in 4 pregnancies doesn’t result in a live birth. 1 in 4. Most of them are termed “chemical” pregnancies- because the fertilized egg doesn’t correctly attach to the uterus wall, and therefore can’t receive the nutrients it needs to live. Lots of women who have chemical pregnancies don’t even know they are pregnant. I did. And I grieve that loss. I firmly believe that my little boy is in Heaven, waiting for the day Mommy will come- and he’ll greet me, along with his sibling whom we lost a little bit further in, at about 8 weeks (I’m not certain, but I think a girl), and they’ll have open arms waiting for me. I can’t wait to hold them both and hug them. And tell them how very much their Daddy and I love them. They are up there with three great aunts/uncles, and countless other angels that never saw the light of day until they saw the Light of Heaven.

They are also there with a sweet angel I’ll never forget. Her name is Sophia. She was born just a couple short weeks before Becca, and with every milestone Becca meets, I think of her- and of her family. Sophia was born with some major health problems, and only was here on earth for a very short 4 days. Her loss was catastrophic. She is truly an angel in Jesus’ arms. And I know she’s waiting to see her Mommy and Daddy and big brother again, too.

So for all those I love touched by breast cancer, I light a pink candle and think of you.

And for all those who have experienced the loss of a precious little angel, I light a blue candle (blue because of my first little boy) and think of you.

May God keep all of us near, and may we be encouraged that this world is not our home, and someday, we will see all of our loved ones again. Let’s work to get the word out- and not be afraid to speak up and talk about our losses.

October 6- Leaf

Some days I think – how little I knew about parenting before I became one, and how much less I know in my third year of it than I did in my first.

The first year is really bliss, ya know? There’s no back-talk, no deliberate disobedience, no running away when you want them somewhere, and they don’t weigh a million pounds when you need to haul them somewhere.

Granted, the first year the first time around doesn’t FEEL like bliss, and it’s so easy to say, “It’ll be so nice when she can______.” First time parents, DO NOT miss the ease of the stage you are in! (Refer to my last paragraph.)

I love my daughter. I really, really do. With all my heart. But she is in a stage of life where some days she makes it hard to like her, despite the incredible depth of my love. I am far from patient enough to parent this little girl. And yet, she is mine to parent. Mine and Cody’s. And he’s as much at a loss sometimes as I am. Hey, at least we’re lost together, right? I’m not crazy enough to miss the fact that I have a partner in this battle, and I have a HUGE respect, admiration, and prayer list for those single moms out there who have to deal with the “terrible twos” and “three-teen” years alone. I don’t know how you (and your child) live through each day.

So in all of this, you’re probably wondering at my title, and thinking, “ok, where’s the darn photo challenge leaf for today?” Well, here’s the truth. I sat down in the rocking chair to feed my sweet little cherub who is still (THANK GOD!) in his easy year, and I thought, “one more goal for the day unaccomplished. I guess I’m gonna mess up this photo challenge, too. Will I ever finish any task I start again?” And I raised my eyes to Heaven and prayed, “God, help.” I know this answer was a small one, but my eyes fell on this cloud, lovingly, carefully painted on the nursery ceiling by my dad back in February… And I saw it. It’s a leaf. It’s been there this whole time, just waiting for that moment when God knew I’d need a little cloud, shaped like a leaf, to encourage me that we’re not alone, and God didn’t make any mistakes in giving us these two amazingly wonderful children.

Because we are the parents He wants us to be. And we won’t have all the answers all the time, but when we turn our eyes toward Him, He’ll always have an answer.

Happy Birthday

Well, so yesterday we celebrated 4 months of Grayson being here… and today we celebrate Cody being here ** years! (Number has been starred to protect the innocent…) So, I thought I’d take a moment to say Happy Birthday to the man who has thoroughly changed my life, and brightens my world every single day. He’s the best father I could have ever imagined to dream for my children, and the most amazing husband, partner, and friend that any girl could ever dream to have. He leaves me speechless in moments of thoughtfulness when he randomly arrives home with flowers, or just knows that I need my shoulders rubbed. He loves our children and me with a love that is so astounding, and so unfathomable that it often leaves me speechless. In moments when he smiles with Grayson and helps him stand, in moments when he flies Becca around her room like a butterfly before bed, and in moments when he looks over one or both of them to smile at me, I catch my breath. He’s the most wonderful man. I love him so much, and I’m so blessed to be celebrating this birthday with him.

I love you, Baby.